I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
