he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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