Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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