i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
