Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
