Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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