i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
