By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
