He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
