look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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