so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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