Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
