I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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