piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
