i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
