Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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