Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
