I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
