so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
