I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
