3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
