dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
