I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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