My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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