We're facebook friends in real life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
