I puked a lego.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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