i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
