My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
3pm strippers are depressing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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