I think I won the penis lottery.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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