A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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