i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
