why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
