she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
