He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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