Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
