I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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