That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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