There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i believe in u and ur pee
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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