Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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