Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
