You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
