ugly people sure do ruin things
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
