My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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