dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
