More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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