How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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