Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
