Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
