she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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