Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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