Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
