So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
