Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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